Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Or rather in the eyes of the media. Koreans and many Asians in general constantly face the problem of Western features being held in high esteem. Sometimes I don’t really know what to write about this matter. But then again I have A LOT to say about it. Some people say I have it easy here in Korea; I do truly believe this. I do have it easy. I am the stereotypical looking Westerner- tall, blonde hair, a “high nose,” “blue eyes” even though they are totally green….I am white. I am not a overly-tanned stick of a person, but instead a pasty, pleasantly plump person, which I am proud to say. This is totally not to toot my own horn- but the fact is, since I look like a stereotypical Westerner, and the image that many Koreans have in their mind about an American, I have it easy. However, having it easy doesn’t make it any less hard to face the images that are produced for consumption by the general public and eaten up to be the end all be all. Here in Korea I am constantly told that I am pretty. I admit, this is a huge ego boost. I like it. I think it is nice. But what I hate the most is when people start comparing their features to mine and then not only claiming that their own are inferior, but taking it one step further to act upon it.
Today, my host family’s cousin came over for a visit. About a month ago I had met this young woman- beautiful girl, sweet, shy and seemingly intelligent. After breaking through the ice of her painful shyness we discussed our mutual love for K-pop, especially Eunhyuk of Super Junior. We had found common ground if only for a short time. It was really great. That was back in September. About a week ago I had heard from her mother that her daughter couldn’t attend a dinner because she was having the double eye-lid surgery as well as some other things. Upon hearing this news I kept my face in as much of a mask as I could to hide my disapproval and smiled only weakly, nodding that I understood what it meant. She was in the hospital and couldn’t come to dinner- it was really…no big deal.
So today, they came over for a visit. I was surprised to see my host-cousin. From what I faintly remember from September, she looked totally different to me. Again, as we greeted them at the door I tried to wear my mask. Immediately I went to my room after host mom and host aunt started talking about host cousin’s new “yeppun nun!” Going to my room is a rare occasion if someone comes over; usually I greet and then sit down to be social with the visitors. I might not talk a lot, but it usually is a good way to build jeong and show that I am interested. It’s basic manners. So as I stood in my room I had a decision to make: do I stay here and pretty much hide risking being perceived to be rude (keep in mind, I haven’t seen my host cousin in a couple of months- naturally it would be appropriate to want to sit down with her and visit)? Or do I go be social and know, just know that they would start comparing my naturally double-eye lidded eyes to my host cousin’s new ones. How would that make her feel? I don’t even know if she’s the one who wanted the surgery. Would I be asked if I liked them? How could I convey my true opinion without offending? I don’t think my host cousin or my host aunt are bad people. I am just highly disgusted with the system. Would I be reconfirming a reason for wanting to do the surgery?
I decided to sit down with them. I brought wire that I had been twisting to prepare for tomorrow’s class to make dream catchers. After some deliberation, I decided I would just try to focus on my wire and smile and nod when appropriate and maybe make conversation with my host cousin about something other than her eyes. And my intuition was right- they started to compare my eyes with hers. Or at least comment on how they either looked alike or didn’t, I don’t know. Half the time I play guessing games with what people say (hence why I am taking Korean classes this February!! So excited!). Once they started doing that, my host cousin was quiet and I couldn’t wear my mask any longer. So with one more comment about how pretty my eyes were, I started to squirm in slight denial and I stated in my broken Korean that I thought all people’s eyes were pretty. I don’t know if anyone really understood, but they stopped after that. I sat there for the rest of the visit, listening to the usual banter and trying to give my host cousin compliments on other things and trying to make light conversation. She seemed even more shy than the first time I met her.
This past semester, I taught a lesson on beauty to my co-ed middle school students. The lesson didn’t really have the grasp I wanted it to have, or so I think. I hope it did. I was surprised to hear from many of my young girl’s mouths that they knew that inner beauty was so much more than outer beauty and that my lesson pretty much didn’t tell them anything new. In some occasions I had girls blatantly tell me that they knew they were pretty, in almost a cocky way. I wonder how many of those girls will get surgery. I wonder how many of those girls are not being told that they are beautiful just the way they are.
I am lucky though. I don’t really know what my host mother’s opinion is about her niece’s surgery. I have a feeling she is wearing even a better mask than me. My host sister is 11 in American age going on 12 in March. She is young, smart and such a pretty girl. She does not have double eyelids. I am lucky, because this past weekend I was able to tell her my opinion about the eyelid surgery. I told her that I do not think it is right and that I think that everyone has beautiful eyes and her eyes are beautiful too. I am lucky, because maybe I am helping take part in my host sister’s image of herself- not just beauty wise but in many other aspects. I am lucky, because her mother does always tell her that she is pretty. I am lucky because my mother did and still does tell me how beautiful I am. I am lucky, because when my host sister came out of her room to say farewell to her aunt and cousin and her aunt seemed to make a comment about maybe her getting the surgery in the future. I looked on with horror growing in my heart at the way my host sister didn’t really look at her aunt and instead at the table. Then my host mom in her magical, caring way, somewhat retorted with, I believe, “nah, she’s fine just the way she is.” You go host mom.
I have it easy. But that doesn’t make it any less hard to help break stereotypes of beauty. True, I might have a little meat on my bones. I’d rather have something there than next to nothing at all. I am lucky. I am lucky that I have had so many positive female role models to look up to in my life. I am lucky because I know that even though I struggle with thoughts about my own image in more ways than one, I know that I am on a journey of self-acceptance. And I am proud to say that I am very much well on my way.
Because of all the wonderful people in my life, especially my constant supporters of family and friends….I have it easy.
No comments:
Post a Comment